9 years later.... while I'm waiting

So, here we are 9 years later. Looking back to see our journey and how far we have come. The pain is always there but somehow different. The pain at this point in this journey is so unpredictable. I will never forget, the pain and loss is part of the new me. I call it the new normal. Sometimes I don't like the new normal. I see a shadow of the person I once was and wish I had HER back. But the new me is being used to glorify God I pray. I pray I can get through these birthdays this year without tears but celebration. I mourn for the lives they never had. I mourn for the personalities I will never see. I mourn for the large family that we would have a house full of laughter and happy babies running around. I mourn for the brothers and sister Ryan won't ever know.

I find myself always now listening to Christian music. I am surrounded by the comfort in those words of beautiful songs that remind me of God's presence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo3DudOzV4k

I saw a great post this morning by a friend who lost her husband a few years ago. It was a great reminder for the next few weeks.

Light after darkness, gain after loss
Strength after weakness, crown after cross
Sweet after bitter, hope after fears
Home after wandering, praise after tears

Sheaves after sowing, sun after rain
Sight after mystery, peace after pain
Joy after sorrow, calm after blast
Rest after weariness, sweet rest at last

Near after distant, gleam after gloom
Love after loneliness, life after tomb
After the agony, rapture of bliss
Glory awaits beyond the abyss

Give me the hope for tomorrow
Give me the strength for today
You are the promise of peace
On my pathway to faith

IT IS WELL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNqo4Un2uZI

Remembering Our Babies

Today is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. I take time to remember my precious babies that have left their footprints on my heart forever. I look forward to that precious reunion day with my babies when I get to heaven. I know they will be at the gates waiting on me, led by my heavenly Father! Time goes by and I know each day brings me closer and closer to the day I get to hold my babies again. Remembering all my other precious friends who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. Our candle is lit tonight in remembrance of all of them.