6 years later

Wow, I can't believe tomorrow will be 6 years since I lost the 1st of my quads, Jacob Matthew Lloyd. I hate the feeling of forgetting details. I don't ever want to forget! There are some things to painful to remember and I can't go there but there are some things I never want to forget. As Ryan just graduated K4, I think about sending 4 babies off to kindergarten in August. What would it be like? I can only imagine but I wish I could experience it. As our family welcomed my great nephew Colton into the world this past week, I praise my Lord who giveth and taketh away life. He created each of my children for a purpose and one day I will know what it is. As I walk through this journey I try to glorify him through all of it. My friend was asking me the other day about the name Samuel which is my son Ryan's middle name. She asked me if I chose that name because it means "GOD HEARD". Wow, I had no idea. Although I did choose Ryan's middle name Samuel after my dearest grandfather, you know it fits just right, God did hear my cries, he heard my questions, he heard my pain, and he heard my heart and he gave me a testimony to share with the world when he brought Ryan into our lives. Although 6 years later my life has changed in many ways, some good and some bad, I can never go back to the person I was before a piece of my heart died. There will always be a hole in my heart that will only be healed by my precious Lord and savior! We serve a mighty God and although we don't know his plans and his ways are not always our ways, I still choose to TRUST HIM! Happy Birthday to my precious baby boy Jacob! I know God will hold you a little tighter tomorrow for Mommy! Jesus loves you this I know, for the Bible tells me so! I love you!